from by Brett Domino



Well I was hanging out round the back of Aldi
On a Sunday they throw out all the stuff that’s mouldy
Except most of it’s not actually mouldy, it’s edible
I take some of it home, just seems ethical
It’s certainly cheaper than doing a big shop
I say cheaper, it’s free, that’s about the biggest price drop
You’re gonna get, I guess, but I digress
It was about 8pm, more or less
I was checking some bread when I saw her
Bit stale, but it’d be fine with some water
She was leaning on a wall, with a cigarette
Her eyes were smoky, her hair was what you’d call brunette
I plucked up the courage to introduce myself
Can’t remember what I said, it was casual but heartfelt
I took her to Bella Italia
I had antipasti, she had a lasagne
We talked a bit, but she seemed to glaze over
I asked her what was wrong and she said she had to go now
I said, can I see you again? She just said bye
I pushed her for an answer, and she replied

You’re not my type, you’re too introverted
You don’t stand out in a crowd
You’re not my type, you’re too unassertive
I like my guys to be loud.

She just wants a douche

I said, I’m sorry I don’t meet your requirements
I know I’m not ripped like a sexy fireman
But I refuse to believe you’re just attracted to idiots
You’re better than that and in my experience
If you’re attracted to bad boys, then that’s a bad choice
She said, why? I said
You don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to work it out
Besides, I can be a bad boy
She just laughed & said, not in those corduroys
I said, no, it’s about striking a balance
I can act tough, but without being callous
I’m good at banter; I’ll just tone it down a bit
I can be sexy, without being a dick
She said, prove it; get sexy for me
Get sexy for me
I said, OK, on the count of three


from Funk, released January 20, 2017



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