Funk

by Brett Domino

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about

*INCLUDES DIGITAL BOOKLET, LINER NOTES & PDF LYRIC SHEET*

credits

released January 20, 2017

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Track Name: All Rhetoric
Here we go, back at the centre of the universe
Ripping up rulebooks like we Copernicus
What’s that? What does it matter you never heard of us?
You’re grooving to this track & I’ve barely finished the first verse

It’s the B.D.T, that’s B.D. and S.P.
Look us up on the G, double-O G, L, E.
But don’t get perplexed, we don’t possess a camera
Just to express our viewpoints and blabber on

No, we ain’t vloggers and no, we ain’t bothered
I know we just flogging a dead horse to a lot of ya
Yes, I got a ukulele, don’t blame me
I just find guitars that little bit too weighty

Actually, that makes no sense, I carry a keytar
Thirty inches upwards from wherever my feet are
It’s eight and a half pounds of solid molded plastic
I’m gonna play it now, so prepare to get your ass kicked

Boom! If you’re down with us
Sway! If you’re down with us
Jump! If you’re down with us
It’s all rhetoric
It’s all rhetoric

Hey, come over here, yeah, baby, come to Brett Domino
Take me by the hand and I’m’a take you where you wanna go
Yes, I work magic, but don’t confuse me with Dynamo
I play the bassoon, but I don’t got no piccolo

I got more hits than I know what to do with
I don’t mean in the charts, I mean on the computer
Soon as I got tracks that pack stacks
I’m’a pick up my Grammy for Best Non-Classical Producer

If you wanna get down then you know where to go
And if you find yourself in Yorkshire ladies, come say hello

‘Cause we got the funk, and the funk is unstoppable
If you think you can stop the funk I’d say no, it’s impossible
It’s at least improbable; funk, it’s a phenomenon
Yeah, it’s a slumber party be sure to put your pyjamas on
Track Name: NGC 4945
Heart stopped, breathless
Just like the song by Texas
Feel like I’m gonna bring up my breakfast
Sledgehammer to my solar plexus

Perspiration on my lip
Sweat dripping down my rib
Shattered my entire demeanour
The first time I ever seen her

I’m not one to be exaggeratin’, fabricatin’
But this girl, she’s so devastatingly captivating
She lights me up like a thousand watt incandescent bulb
Yeah, she’s out of this world

She must be from NGC 4945
She can’t be from this galaxy
She just like nothin’ I’ve seen
Before on this planet

She from NGC 4945
Or a similar galaxy
Maybe Messier 83
And I want her to take me home

I gotta see you so I’m gonna send a rocket up
Hotline to NASA ‘cause I don’t wanna cock it up
Sucked in by your supernova gravity
Getting hot, hot like black hole entropy

Take me to the mothership, show me how to work it
Interstellar species getting down and dirty
‘Cause I come in peace, just wanna learn your ways
Wanna Netflix and chill out in outer space

This kind of thing ain’t normal
‘Cause to her I’m just a mere mortal
And I ain’t gonna play no more
Because a guy like me can’t survive in space

And she be like, listen
If you wanna get down, get down with me
Then you gotta be from another galaxy
Track Name: Blackberry
Yeah, I’m the realest
Some say a genius
Four years time I’ll’a outlived Jesus
Keyses.

Pull up in my Hackney, that’s a taxi
Don’t got no license I just snack in the back seat
Red lights off, pop a tenner to the cabby
Meter says nine, keep the quid, classy

They’ve got a glimpse, now here comes the cavalry
People flocking round me like they just wanna ask me
Whatcha doing later, wanna do this thing?
I’m like I’m gonna put that in my Blackberry
Put that in my Blackberry

Tuesday night there’s some great live music
Sounds good, count me in. Oh wait, what?
Acoustic reimaginings of classic rock songs with pan-pipes?
I’m’a put that in my Blackberry
Put that in my Blackberry

Am-dram Phantom
Road race on tandems
Launch of a shop that sells overpriced candles
Something advertised as reaching out to the fandom
I’m’a put that in my Blackberry
Put that in my Blackberry

Lunch at a place where they don’t do cakes
Invitation from a stranger to collaborate
Fifteen rounds in the ring with a heavyweight
I’m just gonna put that in my Blackberry
Put that in my Blackberry
Track Name: Fake Friends
I’m a hard-hitter, big baller
See me in da club, I be letting mad dollar fly
I lie, my cash got the queens head
Darwin on the back, thin metallic dash thread

The bouncers all know me
They be like, hey homie
VIP for me & Steven an’ our cronies
Smellin’ fresh, sippin’ on negronies
Ladies looking over like, telephone me

People say YOLO so time to play
All through the night ‘til the break of day
But for just one night

Yeah, tonight I’m like

No, I don’t want to tear sh** up
No, I don’t want to get f****ed up
All I really want to do is stay home with my fake friends
No, I don’t want to double up
No, I don’t want to hit a club
All I really want to do is stay home with my fake friends

Yeah, this time last weekend I was out with my clique and
I say with no pretence, we do this quite frequently
Propping up bars ‘n’ drinking like Tarzan would
If he hadn’t’ve been raised by the Mangani apes
Drake. Shapes. Thrown down on the dancefloor
Skills so deadly, cover your mouth it might be airborne
Fire so many shots that they all call me the machine gun
Hands up in the air as soon as I predict the kick drum

Don’t look at me like that
Don’t try to drag me out, I will fight back

Now and again, I just want my fake friends
Track Name: (In a) Funk
Take me down into your hippocampus
I got some questions and you got the answers
But you won’t give ‘em up, and I ain’t giving up
‘Cause we got something, but I don’t know if you see it
I think you do, but maybe don’t want to believe it
Look me in the eye & just take the jump
‘Cause right now, girl, you got me all up in a funk

Yeah, catch me in the morning, I’m bright and breezy
Putting coffee in the moka pot, nice and easy
But my cappuccino tend to sap my ego
When I check my SMS you say you don’t wanna see me
Well girl you know, even though I might have put my foot in it
You’re kissing goodbye to a good thing if you’re shutting it away
And baby, I can win you round
So please just give me a chance ‘cause you’re bringing me down

Girl, you’re my Beyoncé
I can be your Jay Z
You know we both single
So give me a signal

I got no time for Tinder
I’d rather scroll through your profile pictures
Just give me a sign

Yeah, you’re my A. Jolie
I can be your Brad P*
So what’s taking the time up
Making your mind up?

You can be my valentine
Every single valentines day
When it’s valentines day

I’m ready for the outcome, tell me blunt
I’m standing here, defenceless, at the battlefront
Wondering if I shot a brick or if I hit a slam dunk
‘Cause the last few weeks I’ve been pretty much stuck in a funk

*NB: I wrote this song before they split up
Track Name: Facsimile
That’s right, girl, bounce that ass
Shake it to this tape like you’re never coming back
That’s the main reason why I make this music
So I can sit back and watch your body lose it

Yeah, just get lost in the moment
‘Cause time don’t wait for no man
But if time’s makin an exception for beauty
Then surely it’ll slow it right down for you ‘n’ me

We be pretty well matched
But there’s a voice in my head saying there’s a catch
I can’t deny that there is sexual attraction
But let’s just take a step back before any further action

Yeah, you’re damn near perfect from your head to your feet
You even like to eat the type of food I like to eat
We could be soul mates down on paper
But I don’t feel the butterflies when I date ya

No, I don’t feel the butterflies
What’s with that, girl?

You’re like a facsimile of my ideal girlfriend
You’re not the one, but I can’t put my finger on why
You’re like a facsimile of my dream woman
You’re pretty damn near perfect, but it’s perfect that I want

Now, don’t get me wrong, girl, don’t misquote me
You’re a ten out of ten, yeah and your body’s smoking hot
Like a wok on a nine-inch hob
You got me sweating so hard I got to fetch a mop

Everybody be telling me I’m being crazy
Not to go home with such a sexy lady
‘Cause I said, in my head, that you’re damn near perfect
But something unexplainable is making me nervous

I don’t know why, but I’m not convinced
I’m’a just go home now and listen to Prince
You don’t have to be rich to be my girl
You just have to be the one, and you’re just not her

Though it pains me to say it
And believe me, I don’t downplay it
Yeah, we could be soul mates down on paper
But I just don’t feel the butterflies when I date ya
Track Name: Fuchsia
It’s the way the sunlight falls down through the trees
It’s the feeling that you get just before you sneeze
Like a glass of ice cold water on a hot day
Like when everyone went mad for that one song by Gotye
That’s the feeling that I get whenever I’m with you

And if you feel the same then you should tell me so
‘Cause I’m not good at letting these kind of things go
Don’t you know my only kryptonite is you

‘Cause when your hair that shade of fuchsia
I don’t wanna see a future without you
‘Cause baby when you don’t got that shade of fuchsia
I be like F.U.C.H, see ya
When you got that fuchsia

Like when you match three symbols on a lottery card
You accelerate the pounding of my heart
But just like when you take the time to read the guidelines
And realise you need to get four things to win a prize
I soon find myself crashing back down headfirst

Mm, girl, your hair so vibrant
Wanna come with me? We’ll go somewhere private
That shade, it drives me wild
You’re the only girl on the British Isles
With style like that, eyes like that
Wear no other colour ‘cause you’re wise like that
See you walking over, I’m like Hallelujah
She knows how to work the fuchsia

Like a rooster, I’m crowing, cock-a-doodle, I’m in a stupor
Need booster shots to stop me picturing us in your boudoir
I got it bad, I gotta have her, I’m infatuated
Weighing me down, I’m like a camel incapacitated
She got to be in my future
When she got that shade of fuchsia
Track Name: Magic Cane
Insomnia
Can’t seem to stop myself from wanting ya
I gotta have you, sweet thing
Just one more taste to get me off through the night, alright
What you got?
You got to give it to me
Albatross around my neck got me feeling woozy
You give me fever, seeing all kind of kaleidoscope lights, tonight

Is it just me or are the walls closing in on us?
Is this real life or is this something made by Oculus?
Desire consumes me with unstoppable ferociousness
Pull the pin from my grenade

‘Cause I’m an addict
Just gotta have it
Sugar
I gotta feel your sweet love running round through my veins
And I know you’re just no good to me
But I’m just a sucker for gluttony
And you know just how to satisfy me
It’s something I just can’t explain
It’s like magic
Cane

You draw me in like metal to Magneto
I need you like them fish need to find Nemo
Give me superpowers like Keanu Reeves as Neo
Kicking it with Brett D & this guy named Sio

Dependency
I have to say I have a tendency for it
I just can’t get enough of you, you make me feel like I’m alive
One more hit
I’m begging, baby, will you give me it?
Feed my saccharific infatuation, promise this will be the last time

You know me girl, yeah, I’ve always had a sweet tooth
I ain’t no liar, I say nothing but the sweet truth
My head says stop, but my heart says do it
Get that dopamine into my brain
Track Name: Shade
Everything looks good in the sunshine
Everything feels good in the sunshine
Everyone looks good in the sunshine
But you’re the kind of person that looks best in the shade

Kick out your best lick, put up your fists
‘Cause we’re about to get physical
Don’t act quizzical, you know what I mean
I’m built like a bean, of course I’m not being literal

I’m talking in the vernacular
I’m an ambassador, get ready for a lyrical massacre
I got the rhymes when it comes down to it
I hope you got a tongue, mate, you’re about to chew it

I take you down like a lamb to the slaughter
‘Cause I come straight outta Dictionary Corner
I was born there, I’ll floor ya, here’s a caution, have some water
You’re gonna get dehydrated, just don’t say I didn’t warn ya

Fzz, that’s your brain overheating in the sun
Like Carlos Santana, man, it’s a hot one
Blue sky, cool breeze, thirty plus centigrade
But you’d better stay at home and don’t come out of the shade

Let’s go out in the sunshine
We could have a fun time
Kicking a ball and sitting
Oh no, but I don’t wanna look at you
‘Cause you’re not too pretty

Yeah, it’s all good in the summertime
Mixing up a fresh lime soda
Cachaça and cola
But you’re better in the shade if you know what’s good for you

Ding ding ding, now we’re back in the ring
You’d better have a screen up for these shots I’m ‘bout to sling
I hope you get tweets
‘Cause I got mad beef
And one-hundred-and-forty characters to bring

Ping ping ping, that’s your phone lighting up
Delivering fresh zing that I’m typing up
You’re so inconsequential, GPS can’t find ya
You’re so unsightly, your face crashed Grindr

Your IQ so low, you gotta dig for it
Unlimited refills of the stupid juice and your swigging it
What’s that you’re wearing? It’s an absolute disgrace
Your computer has a really clumsy user interface

You’re just a massive idiot, and that’s all I got to say
So your best bet, I guess, is just to stay away
Yeah, you’re a fully qualified member of the jerk brigade
Only one place for you and I’m afraid that’s the shade
Track Name: Interlude #2
Zoom so far you see the Earth’s curvature
See that we be falling apart like cheap furniture

But ya ain’t no antique, can’t just refurbish ya
You just get left until you have to pull the curtain, yeah

Soon we’ll just be elderly gentlemen
And then this music just be sounding like Vera Lynn
To all the young folk

While we be in a home
Busting out Snoop, Biggie and Eminem

Snoop, Biggie and Eminem.

Turn the speakers up

I can’t hear it
Track Name: Douche
Well I was hanging out round the back of Aldi
On a Sunday they throw out all the stuff that’s mouldy
Except most of it’s not actually mouldy, it’s edible
I take some of it home, just seems ethical
It’s certainly cheaper than doing a big shop
I say cheaper, it’s free, that’s about the biggest price drop
You’re gonna get, I guess, but I digress
It was about 8pm, more or less
I was checking some bread when I saw her
Bit stale, but it’d be fine with some water
She was leaning on a wall, with a cigarette
Her eyes were smoky, her hair was what you’d call brunette
I plucked up the courage to introduce myself
Can’t remember what I said, it was casual but heartfelt
I took her to Bella Italia
I had antipasti, she had a lasagne
We talked a bit, but she seemed to glaze over
I asked her what was wrong and she said she had to go now
I said, can I see you again? She just said bye
I pushed her for an answer, and she replied

You’re not my type, you’re too introverted
You don’t stand out in a crowd
You’re not my type, you’re too unassertive
I like my guys to be loud.

She just wants a douche

I said, I’m sorry I don’t meet your requirements
I know I’m not ripped like a sexy fireman
But I refuse to believe you’re just attracted to idiots
You’re better than that and in my experience
If you’re attracted to bad boys, then that’s a bad choice
She said, why? I said
You don’t have to be Sigmund Freud to work it out
Besides, I can be a bad boy
She just laughed & said, not in those corduroys
I said, no, it’s about striking a balance
I can act tough, but without being callous
I’m good at banter; I’ll just tone it down a bit
I can be sexy, without being a dick
She said, prove it; get sexy for me
Get sexy for me
I said, OK, on the count of three
Track Name: Tongue Tied
I’ve never been much of a player
I know I said I was but words aren’t worth the paper
You probably think that I’m some kind of Don Draper
But I work from home, not in a fancy skyscraper

Line up our fans and they would stretch the equator
Maybe one of them is cool and I could date her
But right now I’m’a have to take a rain check
‘Cause all that I can think about now is my next-door neighbour

Yeah, I think I’m in love with my neighbour
I’d follow her across acre after acre
Just like the butler in the second Tomb Raider
And she’s figuratively locked me in that walk-in refrigerator

Yeah, she so cold she got me shaking
I get so nervous when I see her I start quaking
Mouth dry at just the thought of conversation
Brain dead for potential ice-breakers

But here I am now, final preparations
Standing by her door, the moment for which I’ve been waiting
About to make the very first communication
Take a big puff on my inhaler

Bo-boom boom, heart racing
Pretty soon I’ll need defibrillating
Here she comes, start to say a silent prayer
Door opens. What the hell am I gonna say to her?

I don’t know what to say to her
She’s looking at me, I’ve not a clue what to say to her
Deer in the headlights, I don’t know what to say to her
Shut like a clam, can’t think of anything to say to her

Then I’m like
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I get lost for words around you

Still standing there, just looking like a muppet
Time stopped, sick feeling in my stomach
Wishing the ground would open up and I could plummet
She’s asking me if I’m ok, come on, just say sumat

Just say sumat
Come on, just say sumat
Anything, just say sumat
Just open your mouth, form the words and say sumat

So now she starts to shut the door in confusion
Thought she could be the one but that was just delusion
If only I could interact entirely through music
I’d point my speakers at her door and this is how I’d do it